7 – Disappearance
A couple, sitting on a couch. They seem to be bored. He starts looking for something.
Him – Do you know where the remote control is ? It seems to have disappeared…
She looks at him, surprised.
Her – But… we don’t have a TV anymore !
Him – Oh yes, quite right..
Silence.
Him – What would you do if I disappeared ?
She looks at him, astonished.
Her – Like the remote control, you mean ?
Him – Not like the remote control ! If I disappeared, you see what I mean…
Her – You don’t feel well ?
Him – I’m fine, it’s just a hypothesis.
Her – Haven’t you got a happier one ?
Him – I am older than you. I will probably croak first.
Her – You’re hardly three years older…
Him – Women live longer than men, anyway ! Besides, I could have an accident. A heart attack. Cancer.
Her – Me too !
Him – Maybe, but I asked first.
Her – Well I don’t know. Do I have some time to think about it ?
Him – Prevention is better than cure…
She looks at him, not sure of understanding.
Him – I mean, it’s better to forewarn.
Silence.
Him – Anyway I can tell you, I would rather be cremated.
Her – Why do you tell me that now ?
Him – Well, I won’t be able to tell you after, will I ? (After a while) It’s my nightmare, that is, to be buried alive. Not you ?
Her – It probably doesn’t happen very often.
Him – Well, once is enough.
Her – And to be burned alive, doesn’t that scare you ?
He looks at her, worried.
Him – I never thought about that… (After a while) Do you believe that there is a life after death ?
Her – Is it really something to hope for…?
Him – You wouldn’t have to worry about money, you know…
Her (surprised) – If there was a life after death, you mean ?
Him – If I were to depart !
Her – Oh, yes… I wasn’t worried.
Silence.
Him – I wouldn’t be mad at you if you married again, you know.
Her – Thank you.
Him – Well, you wouldn’t necessarily have to marry him though..
Her – Him ?
Him – The guy you would get hitched with. You’d better keep your independence.
Her – What independence ?
Him – It’s funny, though. I can hardly imagine you with another guy…
Her (offended) – Do you think nobody would want to live with me ?
Him – Oh, no. On the contrary. In fact, I think I would be jealous.
Her – When you’re dead, you’ll be jealous ?
Him – Absolutely…
Her – And what if I were to… depart before you do ?
Him (fake) – Well, there you’ve caught me unprepared. (After a while) If I were to get hitched again, would you be mad at me ?
Her – I wouldn’t be there to see it.
Him – But you would be jealous…?
She looks at him, suspicious, but does not answer.
Him – Who do you imagine me with ?
Her – Do you want me to introduce you to a girlfriend of mine, just in case ?
Him – For the children, there are godfathers and godmothers… For members of parliament, it’s is the same. There are substitutes. If one gets sick or dies, you’ve got a new one at the drop of a hat. It’s all organised…
Her – Yes… And for cars, there are a spare wheels… (Upset) You are not telling me that you’ve already found my replacement, are you…?
Him – Well, it’s not that easy, you know ? (After a while) Silence. The good thing about bigamy, is that in case of death, one is only half-widowed.
She looks at him, astonished.
She – Indeed…