Artists Entrance
Dark. As if the show is about to start. However nothing happens long enough for the public to become unsettled. The light appears in a corner where two spectators, a man and a woman – strangers – are sitting side by side. The man looks nervously at a cinema/theatre guide, and then at his watch. The woman picks pop corn out of a huge bag, noisily stuffing handful after handful into her mouth.
Him – Sorry… Do you know what’s going on ?
Her – I guess we are waiting for the actors…
Him – Until now, only the audience were late for shows. If actors start doing the same…
Silence.
Her (worried) – Can I have a look at your guide ? In case the play has been cancelled…
He gives her his guide. But she doesn’t know how to take it, with her pot of pop corn in her hands.
Her (showing him the bag of popcorn) – Do you want some ?
He has no choice but to take the bag. She looks at the guide, but seems to be lost in it. He eats some pop corn with disgust.
Her – Sorry, I’m used to Time Out. I can’t find anything…
Him – And I don’t like pop corn…
She gives him back his guide, and takes back her pop corn.
Her – Anyway, it’s too late for a movie… We’re better off to waiting.
Him – I hope it’s worth it…
Her (worried) – Bad critics ?
Him (looking towards the public) – There aren’t many people…
Her – Well, the critics… They don’t mean much.. Sometimes, you see things, glorified by the critics. It lasts hours… but no one dares say they’re bored, for fear they sound like an idiot. Afterwards, they’ll tell you : » That play was so deep, the proof : you didn’t understand a word of it… »
Him – Comedy is a different kettle of fish. If people don’t laugh during the show, they won’t tell you after : « Only a critic can understand how hysterically funny it is ».
Her – Are you a critic ?
Him (astonished) – Not you ?
Her – Actress…
Him – Of course…
Her – Only actors and critics go to the theatre nowadays… One in two spectators is an actor. It’s hard to tell where the stage is these days…
Him – You know the play ?
Her – Oh, no… But a friend of mine is performing in it. I came to see her… To do her a favour…
Him – Is she a famous actress…?
Her – She mostly does theatre…
Him – In that case… (Suspicious) You really are an actress?
Her (worried) – You don’t think I’m a good one ?
Him – Oh, no… You are very good.
Her – Actress by night and… museum attendant during the day.
Him – If you consider the modernity of the repertoire, it’s more or less the same job, isn’t it…?
Silence.
Her – I have no more pop corn.
Him – We might die before the show starts.
Her – Yes… It seems that they have forgotten us…
Him – In a few years, a cleaner will find our skeletons lying side by side, hand in hand…
Her – Hand in hand…?
Him – I think as the end grows near, we’ll become more affectionate towards each-other. We are like two shipwrecked souls on a desert island, aren’t we ? We don’t have much choice…
Her – You think they will give us our money back ?
Him (astonished) – Don’t tell me that you paid for this…
Her – Of course, not…
Him – Then…
They stand up in order to leave.
Him – We can always come back another time…
Her – If the play is still on. Which seems very unlikely…
Him – We could go to see another one.
Her – Is that an invitation…?
Him (showing an invitation) – For two.
Her – I hope that this time, it will start on time… What is it ?
Him (reading the invitation) – Him and her…
Her – Looks boring too…
Him – Sorry, I have to turn my mobile on…
Her – Oh, yes… I forgot to switch mine off…
They leave. Lights down.