5 – Definition of love (through what it is not)
Him – How long have we known each other ? Twenty years, at least ? (Silence) Why didn’t we ever sleep together, by the way ? We get along well, don’t we…? We could even have married ! It’s weird, I see you a bit like an ex. Though we never went out together… We almost did once, remember ? You forced me to drink. Or perhaps it was the contrary. We ended up at your place, completely drunk. We laughed our heads off all night long, but we forgot to sleep together. Maybe because we get along too well, precisely. It wouldn’t be spicy enough. We would get bored, in the end. It’s true, we laugh a lot together, but… I can’t imagine making love to a girl who is laughing. Well, there are different kinds of laughter. I can make a girl laugh to sleep with her. But sleeping with a girl who makes me laugh…! No, if I slept with you, I would feel like I was sleeping with a buddy. I mean a girl, but… Besides, I don’t like blondes. I know, you are not blonde. But you were when I met you… I didn’t know that it wasn’t your natural colour ! Doesn’t hang on much, does it? It is not that I don’t like blondes, but… It depends. It must have been the colour. You were too blond for me. Girls who are too blond, I don’t know, it puts me off. Physically. I don’t know why… It must be something to do with the skin-type. And now it’s too late. I will always think of you as a blonde who dyed her hair to become a brunette. Besides your are not really dark-haired… It is not light-brown, either. I don’t know how to call it… It’s neither blonde nor dark. It’s not that I don’t think you are sexy, right ? Anyway, all the guys think you are sexy. Usually, it’s rather motivating. But in this case… Really, I can’t think exactly why I never felt like sleeping with you… Is that what we call love ? I mean, the «je ne sais quoi» that makes us feel like fucking together, or more if inclined. We figured out what it is, can you believe it ! Through what it is not… Now, why did I marry my wife rather than you or another one ? Well, she liked me. It was easier. If she hadn’t liked me right from the beginning, would I have held onto her…? And if I had held onto her, would she have liked it…? We will never know. Mutual love is easier, of course, but it’s not so… How can I say…? Conquering without a battle makes the triumph modest. Besides, I wonder what she liked in me ? Have you got any idea… ? I could ask her, of course, but… If she asks me back… Sometimes, there are matters that are best left alone. A bit of mystery in the couple can’t hurt. Well, within reason. Once I went out with a girl. After a year or so, she ditched me. I asked her why. She told me that she was bored stiff in bed with me. A whole year ! Isn’t that taking discretion a bit too far… Now why did she go out with me for a year ? It didn’t even occur to me to ask… There must have been a reason ! Unless she lied. About my sexual performances, I mean… As a form of revenge… I’m not saying that because it hurts my male pride, right ? It just surprised me a little, that’s all. It’s true, I am a reputedly good lay. What about you ? No, I mean, really, don’t you want to tell why you never fancied going out with me ? (Worried) You don’t have to answer that, hey ?
And meeting again
She arrives, with a big smile on her face.
Her (pleased) – Do you recognise me ?
Him (turning to her, embarrassed) – No…
Her (knowingly) – It was years ago, but still…
Him – Oh, yes, maybe…
Her (offended) – Maybe ?
Him – I mean, of course, I remember now… How are things going ?
Her – Not too bad… What are you doing here ?
Him – Well, nothing. What about you ?
Her (upset) – Did I change that much ?
Him – Oh, no ! Absolutely. Why ?
Her – You didn’t seem to recognise me a while ago.
Him – Sorry, it is just that I didn’t expect to see you again, that’s all.
Her – Anyway, you didn’t change, I can tell you.
Him – Thank you…
Her – So, what’s up ?
Him – You know, same old things…
Her – Still very talkative, hey ?
He doesn’t know what to say.
Her – Did you come back a long time ago ?
Him – From where…?
Her – Well… From there !
Him – Oh, yes… I mean, not really.
They stupidly smile, embarrassed.
Her (moved) – I’m very pleased to see you again.
Him – Me too…
Her (knowingly) – I have to go, now. Someone is waiting for me…
She hesitates for a while.
Her – We’re not going to shake hands are we ?
Him – Okay…
Taking him by surprise, she French kisses him.
Her (pathetic) – We might meet again some other time…
Him (upset) – Maybe, yes…
Her – Well… So long Paul !
She lets go of him, with tears in her eyes.
Him – So long.
She leaves, turning around one last time. They wave good-bye from afar. He remains alone.
Him (taken aback) – Paul ?