3 – TV breakdown
A couple sitting on a couch, staring into space.
Her – Anything interesting on TV tonight ?
Him – I don’t know. Why ?
Her – Just like that… (After a while) You really don’t want us to buy another one ?
Him – When we had a TV, we couldn’t help watching it !
Her – That’s why a TV is made for, isn’t it ?
Him – We were totally moronic with the TV ! We didn’t do anything else !
They keep staring into space. Not doing anything.
Her (ironical) – What shall we do now ?
Him – What do you want us to do ?
Her – Nothing…
Him – It’s still better than watching TV… When there was only one channel, at least… But now, with the satellite…
Her (nostalgic) – When I was a child, we had no TV. I used to go watch it to at my neighbour’s…
Him (ironical) – You want me to ask the neighbour if you can go watch TV with him ?
Her – We could talk.
He looks at her, upset.
Her – Since we no longer have TV, we could use the time to talk.
Him – Well… You first.
She tries to think about something.
Her – Do you love me ?
Him (shocked) – Could we do this… progressively.
He thinks about it.
Him – What do we have for dinner, tonight ?
Her – Wednesday, fish.
Him – Fish ? It should be Friday…
Her – Friday is chicken.
Him – A bit fishy, isn’t it…?
Him – What kind of fish do you want ?
Her – I’ll go. I need to get custard, too… What about cod, for a change…?
Him – It’s a bit salty, isn’t it ?
Her – Not à la Française.
Him – That doesn’t involve custard does it ?
Him – If ever you cheated on me, would you tell me ?
She looks at him, surprised.
Her – You mean : if you cheated on me, would I want you to tell me or not ?
Him – Also, yes…
Her – Why do you ask ?
Him – Just making conversation… Since we don’t have TV anymore.
She thinks about it.
Her – How do you want me to answer this ?
Him – Yes or no !
Her – Do you really think it’s that simple ?
Him – No ?
Her – Answering is already accepting the possibility that you could cheat on me.
Him – So ?
Her – It’s like if you asked me : if I murdered you, would you prefer me to go surrender to the police right after, or try to escape from justice ?
He doesn’t seem to understand.
Her – It supposes that I actually consider the possibility that you could murder me. That is the real question. The rest is irrelevant.
Him – But still, adultery isn’t a crime.
Her – It sometimes leads to crime…
He seems a little worried.
Him – If I cheated on you, you could kill me ?
Her – Anyway, if I did, I would most certainly surrender to the police. Justice has always been very lenient towards crimes of passion…
Her – So, you actually consider the possibility of cheating on me.
Him – Ninety-five per cent of animals are polygamists. The rest form couples only for as long as it takes to raise their offspring. Proof that fidelity is not a natural thing…
Her – We are not animals. At least, women are not…
Him – There are still five per cent of monogamists among the animals ! It doesn’t make humans out of them. Why would fidelity be a criterion of humanity ?
Her – It is the foundation of the family, which is the foundation of society…
Him – So you won’t cheat on me solely to remain a good citizen ?
Her – Is it that difficult for you to stay faithful to me ?
Him – No… I was just wondering if fidelity had the same meaning for men and women.
Her – So ? Why are men faithful, in your opinion ? When they are, of course…
He thinks about it.
Him – To avoid complications…?
Him – Perhaps we should buy another TV.