The stage is totally empty. He is there, standing. She arrives from outside.
Her (looking around, astonished) – But… Where is the furniture ?
Him (proud of himself) – You will never guess.
She stares at him, waiting for an explanation.
Him – A guy knocked at the door, this morning. An antique dealer…
Her (worried) – So ?
Him – At first, of course, I told him that we did not have anything to sell…
Her – And then…?
Him – Then I told myself that it didn’t hurt to ask him to value the whole stuff. The estimation was free. You’ll never guess how much he offered me for all this shitty things.
Her – How much…?
Him – More than enough to buy others.
Her – Then why did you sell them ?
Him – For a change ! You told me that you wanted to buy another couch.
Her – So…?
Him – You know perfectly well that if we had changed the couch, we would have had to buy another table to match it. Then, we would have to have changed the chairs, and so on…
Her – Well, maybe…
Him – It would have cost a fortune ! And what would have we done with our old furniture ?
She does not answer.
Him – This way, it’s much easier.
Her – And… meanwhile ?
Him – Meanwhile what ?
Her – Meanwhile we buy new furniture…
He looks the empty space around him.
Him – As far as I am concerned, I never liked over-furnished rooms.
Her – Well, now, it’s not over-furnished at all…
Him – Aren’t you happy ?
Her – Not to have furniture anymore…?
Him – But… you told me that you didn’t like our old couch !
Her – I never said that I didn’t want any furniture at all ! We don’t even have a bed anymore !
Him – But I just told you that… I thought you would be happy !
Her (conciliatory) – Listen, we will have dinner in a restaurant tonight, then we will spend the night in a hotel, and tomorrow we will go buy furniture. Alright ?
Him – Alright…
Him – We still have to choose the style.
Her – Since we have to change, we better go for modern, don’t you think ?
Him – Okay… But then, we will have to redo the paintwork…
Her – Don’t you think you’re are a bit too perfectionist ?
Him – Modern furniture with this dirty paintwork ? It will clash…
Her (ironical) – We’d better move, hadn’t we ?
Him – Do you think so ? (After a while) At least, that way, it would be done very quickly… We turn the water and the electricity off before we go out, and we wouldn’t even have to come back.
She suddenly worries about something.
Her – Did you think about emptying the drawers ?
Him – Of course.
Her – What about your wedding ring ?
Him – My wedding ring…?
Her – The one you were keeping in the bedside table drawer !
Him – Oh, shit…
She does not add anything, but she looks staggered. So does he.
Him – It has been there for so long. I didn’t even think…
Her – Have you got this antique dealer’s address ?
Him – No… He gave me cash, put the whole stuff in his truck, and left. (After a while, unconvinced) If he finds it, he will probably give us a call…
Her (bitter) – Yes… And if he doesn’t, you’ll always be able to change your wife… You’ll just have to choose a more modern one, to match the new paintwork and the new furniture.
Him – I’m really sorry…
Her – Why didn’t you ever wear the wedding ring anyway ?
Him – I did ! Before we got married… Remember ? I bought our rings in a bazaar in Yemen; to make them think we were married. Otherwise, they didn’t want to rent us a hotel room.
Her – Well, now that you sold our furniture, including our bed, we won’t have any other choice but to find a hotel tonight…
Him – Don’t worry. We live in a civilised country. They won’t ask for our marriage certificate…
Her – And after the wedding ? Why did you leave your ring in the drawer ?
Him – Well… I was afraid of losing it.
Him – Are you angry…?
She does not answer.
Him – Come on, let’s go !
Her – Where ?
Him – To the hotel ! It will be like another honeymoon ! No more rings, no more furniture, no home anymore… We’ll start all over again !
Her – I still have my ring…
Him – You better take it off.
Her – Why ?
Him – You look married, I don’t. In the hotel, they will think we have an illegitimate relationship…
Her – So you’re giving me the choice between celibacy and adultery, are you ?
Her – You have got a strange idea of marriage.