Nightmare
He arrives wearing a blond wig, carrying a football ball, and acting like a child. After a while, she arrives behind him, wearing a man’s jacket and a moustache like Hitler or Chaplin.
Her (loud) – Guten Tag…
He jumps seeing her.
Him – But… Who are you ?
Her – I am… the baby-sitter.
He looks terrified. She brings out a packet of cigarettes.
Her (holding out the packet to him) – Do you smoke ?
He is about to take a cigarette, but prudently renounces.
Him – No, thank you.
Her – Natürlich. It’s forbidden… There is an ashtray, but it doesn’t mean a thing ! It’s only to avoid law-breakers burning the carpet… The same old things. They promulgate laws, but always have an afterthought in case they’re not respected…(She brings out a chewing-gum packet) Would you like a chewing-gum ?
Him – It gives me wind…
Her – You know why the subway’s cicadas are an endangered species ?
Him – There are cicadas, in the subway ?
Her – Or crickets, I don’t know. Well it’s because they ate cigarette butts. Since they prohibited smoking in the subway, of course, they are starving. Do you realise ? A whole ecosystem has been turned upside down… Well, they could start eating old chewing-gum…
Him – Not long ago, I saw an exhibition about animal life in urban surroundings. It’s not very well known, but there is an incredible fauna, in big cities like London. Even wolves. But thousands of them, you know ?
Her – Wolves ?
Him – Of course they only go out by night, in parks…
Her – You mean… foxes ?
Him – Oh, yes, maybe… Anyway, I never saw any of them…
Her – Because most parks close at night…
Sound of a door closed and locked. He looks scared.
Her – The cleaner locked the door… and took the key away.
Him – There are no windows… We won’t even be able to call for help…
Her – Don’t you have a mobile…?
He goes through all his pockets, and finally smiles with relief while bringing something out of a pocket.
Him – Oh, yes ! (His smile vanishes while he realises that it is not a mobile). Gosh, it’s the remote control I was looking for everywhere…
Her – Besides… there is not even a TV in here !
Him – Well… I guess we just have to wait for the postman to set us free tomorrow morning…
Her – Tomorrow, it’s Christmas Day.
Him – Oh, yes, that’s right, fuck…!
Her – You might be willing to lie down…?
He looks at her, terrified. She brings out a white sheet.
Her – If we are planning to see Christmas together, we better get comfortable… Which side do you prefer ?
Him – I have no preferences…
Her – Then, I will take this one…
She slips under the sheet. He does the same.
Her – Merry Christmas, then !
Him – Well, yes… Merry Christmas…
After a while, he screams and wakes up with a start. She wakes up too. He is no longer wearing his blonde wig, nor she her moustache.
Her – Are you all right, darling ?
Him – Well, yes… I must have had a nightmare. I dreamt it was Christmas Day…
Her (looking at him, surprised) – But darling… It is Christmas Day !